Parenting is just plain hard...

This week has been a tough week for me emotionally and physically. I have just not been feeling myself lately and because of some severe pain I was having in my back I was not able to do anything except lay around on the sofa most of the weekend. Which allowed me lots and lots of time for some deep thinking. It gave me time to think about my kids and the way I parent them. Most days I feel as though I fail miserably. My goal as a parent is to raise children that are God fearing and Christ serving. I want them to grow up to know who they are in Christ, to know that they are loved and to grow up serving and loving their heavenly father. And yet some days the impossibility of that seems so much stronger than anything else. Now, now I realize it is possible and I realize we can do it but some days like the weekend it just hit me hard. Around every corner the enemy is lurching to rob our children of their love of Christ. Whether is be something on a tv show, or language from a neighbor or even something major like a Wicca witch living a couple of houses down he's there, searching and hunting for our children. MY CHILDREN, GOD'S CHILDREN! AND TO BE HONEST IT MAKES ME MAD! The innocence of our kids is taken so early anymore. Pole our youth groups and see how many of them have never done something sexual. Go ahead I dare you, I bet it would be a sad few who have not. I'm scared for our kids, for my kids. I need to be on my knees more for them, seeking Christ on their behalf! Please don't misunderstand me I do realize there are parents out there who have done an amazing job and have raised pure, God fearing kids. I wish I could have them come sit in my living room and tell me how to do it, what I'm doing wrong, what i'm doing right, and help me through this journey of parenting. I pray i'm doing whats right for them, that I'm raising them correctly for HIS kingdom. I will keep going before HIS thrown with their names, I will do it more and more everyday, I will seek His word on how I do it. I will beat the kingdom doors down with my prayers for my kids that I will be strict, that I will not succumb to the worlds vision of what a good parent is but what Christ thinks. I love you Logan, Jhocelyn and Jesse I'm doing my best on your behalf. God help me on the journey of parenting even when it's just plain hard...

Two Years

I have started noticing something about me recently. Two years, that is what it takes for me to start feeling at home somewhere, to feel comfortable, to feel like I belong. It was 2 years in december since we moved here to virginia from texas. I have just recently started feeling as if this is home. To start making friends. It took me 2 years in texas to actually start feeling like I liked it there. It's very difficult for me to move, to leave my life, to leave my friends. WHen I love something, anyone, I do it with everything in me. So when I leave them, those things in my life that bring me comfort I feel like I am abondoning them. It leaves a whole in my heart. Leaving texas was harder than I ever imagined it would be. I fell hard for the state of texas and the people in it. It's an amazing state with even more amazing people. It was hard for me to move past that. But thank God, I can finally say I'm happy now in virginia! I have great friends here, great ministries I'm involved in. Virginia is my home now. If we ever move again, I know now that it will be 2 yrs of a long hard process. A time of healing for me but I also know now there is light on the other side. Thank God, for the heart HE gave me of loyalty and great love but also Thank God that he brings other people into this life not to replace those friendships but only to add to the joy of life!

One Red Tulip among a field of Green

Sunday morning on our way home was one of those moments where I wished I could have stopped traffic right there in the middle of the bridge and taken a breathtaking photo of the field below. Now since I can't really stop traffic nor am I one of those people that can take a "wow" photo there is no picture to accompany this post. Sorry just trust me it was amazing!
We were driving along and I looked down and there in a field of nothing but green grass was one lone bright red tulip! It was stunning, breathtaking! And the thought almost immediately struck me "A light in the world" The tulip was impossible to miss. It was a splash of color. It was amazing. It was perfect right where it was. Which then started my mind thinking upon other things. Is this what God means when He tells us to be a light, to be different? We are supposed to mix in with the world and yet be different, stand out. Is this how God see's us when He looks down on the world?
Then I thought. I want to be like that tulip! I want to be breathtaking to God! I want when people look at me that they see the light of Christ shining through. I don't want people to see the natural me, the part of me that desires to blend, the part of me that is content just being green. I want the world, God, to see the part that is like that tulip. The part that has been transformed and made beautiful through Christ!
Lord, help me to be a tulip among a field of green!!!

Life's a Dance

For the last month I have been looking at my life and realizing how different it is than I ever thought it would be. I'm a 26 yr old woman married and with 3 kids. That part of life has gone "as planned" The moment I meant Ramon I knew we were destined for each other. I knew we would marry young and I knew we would have kids early. We even went to BIble school "as planned" He graduated on time "as planned" But none the less life is very very different than I ever thought possible. By this time I had hope to be on the mission field somewhere I really wanted to be in venezuela but that will not happen not now and not ever (unless life there changes drastically) But here we are coming up on 2 yrs out of Bible school and no where even close to being on the mission field. Ramon actually works as a Securtity Tech! What!? How did that happen? I also never thought I would homeschool my kids and yet here I am!
There are some days where I actually have to laugh at my self. I mean I will catch myself thinking things like "Is Logan understanding this english" "Is he getting this" "Am I teaching this right" Those kind of thoughts are not me! I always thought that I would be able to send him to school someone else would do the teaching and if there was a problem the teacher would let me know. Now I have to be the one making sure he gets his lessons done, I have to be the one to focus enough to see if he needs extra help. Then I start thinking is Jhocy going to be ready for kindergarten? Will I be able to teach her how to read?
There are days where I don't even reconize myself. This is not me people! I'm a laid back, carefree, take life as it comes type of person. Now I have turned into a write everything on a calender if its not there its not official, making everything into a routine, actually considering quitting doing a couple of things, simply for the sake of making homeschooling going simpler kind of person!
I have a brand new respect for people who have done this for years with multiple kids and make it look easy. They always told me it's not easy, its difficult you have to be commited to it. I'm here to say people it's difficult! Rarely do I have a chance to sit down, rarely do I have a moment to myself, there is constant bickering that I have to break up, constant laundry to do. It's hard work.
But you know what as odd as this is for me to say I enjoy the person this is forcing me to become. It's making me much more aware of my childrens needs, it's making me realize I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, it's making me be a much better wife to my husband and focus on him and stop being so selfish. My house is staying cleaner than ever because I'm focused and determined! I like this new me. I'm convinced it's because I listened to Gods calling and did as he asked of me. My life is a dance and God's leading!

One of THose Days

Today I woke up groggy but with big plans in mind. Ever do that? Wake up with an open mind, today is going to be great, the kids are going to be wonderful, i'm going to get lots done and so on and so on.... well none of those things have happened. Its been one thing after another. At least I got Logan's school work done with him and the letter mailed off to the county I needed to send. Oh well it's just one of those days!!!

Brown Paper Packages: Twirly-Whirly Dress Showcase and GIVEAWAY!!!

Brown Paper Packages: Twirly-Whirly Dress Showcase and GIVEAWAY!!!

This dress is so adorable. Jhocelyn would be to cute in it!

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

hmm trying this again

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!


I love Lisa Leonard's Designs! I desperatly want one of her necklaces. They are beautiful and elegant and simple just breathtaking. But If i win I will actually give my card to me precious friend Stephanie as I have been trying to figure out a way to buy her the necklace she wants. So here's to hoping I win because Stephanie just got into MOI in her Haiti adoption process and what a better way to celebrate!

"Good Friends are Cheaper than Therapy"

Today as I was cleaning I did something I rarely do I stopped and looked a picture that means the world to me. It is a picture of me and my 3 closest friends.... I have it sitting in my living room and see it everyday but rarely do i take the time to sit and stare at. Today as I was dusting around it I looked at the faces in it and such a sense of longing came over me. I had to pick it up and sit on the couch and just look at it until the kids interrupted me. I miss those 3 women..... Esther, Angie, Stephanie..... I talk to all of them whenever I can but I long to sit face to face with them and tell them about my life the past 2 yrs and to hear about theirs. Growing up in the remotest part of venezuela that there is I did not have many friends growing up. I had friends here and there but no one I could ever consider a best friend. Then I got to know Eshter. Our husbands lived next door to eachother there whole life we had to become friends. She means the world to me. She is someone who knows all about me and still likes me. She is always there for me. She loves my kids. I miss her and mundo more thant words can explain. Then I met Angie when we were in Bible school. She lived next door to me. We became game partners and alwasy beat the crap out of our husbands playing. We went to their house every friday night and stayed till after midnight. I miss them. THen I met Stephanie she lived across from me. And she changed the way I would forever look at missionary kids. She had been one to and she loved it. She taught me many things, she was the person who understood when i would show up on her door step and tell her i needed to cry but didn't know why. Through these 3 women my life was changed they each showed me strength, love, compassion, true friendship, I miss them all and I hope that I get to see them again this side of heaven but I'm so blessed knowing that one day I will share eternity with them!

Hope vs Longings

As I was sitting here thinking about the things I "hope" for the thought struck me that I actually have hope and longing confused. You see there are many things that I long for. I long for that new pair of Nike tennis shoes I saw the other day, I long to have more money, I long for a bigger house, I long for more clothes. Do you get where I'm going with that? As a little girl I longed to be older so that I could do more things. But while I was pondering these things i realized that hope comes from somewhere deep inside of us. It comes from that place that is rarely looked at because the things that we truly hope for have the possibility of bringing with it a deep sadness if it hasn't been fulfilled. Because the things that we truly hope for are things that have the possibility of taking our breath away once they have been fulfilled. The things that I hope for is getting on the mission field. Even the thought of that brings tears to the surface because I hope for it so badly! I hope that my children will grow up to be Godly people who serve him with their entire being. The idea of that not coming about brings terror into my soul. Hope is something that God puts in us and it is something that keeps us going on this earth.

Inspired by http://www.incourage.me/

Not MY child!!

The other day when I decided to brave shopping with my sister and ALL 3 KIDS. For some unknown reason. I mean I know not to try clothes shopping with all of them. I mean that is just insanity right! Well my daughter certainly did not have a meltdown on the way out of the store. And definantly not one of those kinds that involves serious screaming and red in the face from her. And i definantly did not receive stares from strangers that i just stared right back at. I have much better behaved children than that and that would never happen on my watch!

And yesterday while talking about my oldest son's dentist appointment with my mother my son certainly did not say "Grandpa needs to go to the dentist to." And I was certainly not there going "logan shh, logan bequiet" To definantly not have him add on "Grandpa's teeth are yellow!"

And last of all just a few minutes after the illfated not had conversation of people's teeth my youngest son certainly did not come to me and say "mommy i need to go potty." "ok jesse lets go inside" "no mommy, i wana pee in the grass!!!" Definantly not my child I have never let them do that, we always use the toilet inside!!!

Please go to http://www.mycharmingkids.blogspot.com/ to check out all of the Not My child post!

Guarding My Son's Heart

Homeschool time is fast approaching!!! Everyday that passes i feel more and more panick rising up in me! I wasn't good in school, I'm not a teacher, I'm not an organized person!!! How can I DO THIS!!!!! None of my close friends here are going to homeschool, i won't have anyone to lean back on for support.... You see where my thoughts are going? They are becoming more and more chaotic and are starting to freak me out!! Last night when Ramon and I were chatting about nothing in particular I almost blurted out "Lets just send him to public school!!!!" I was so close to saying it, so close to meaning it..... But I didn't...... WHY???? I DON'T KNOW!!!! This whole idea is so scary and I'm not sure i'm up to the task.. But I do have someone on my side who is and His name is God!!! I have to rely on Him. He's the one who put this idea in my head, He's the One who assured me I would be ok and that we could do this together. I have to believe that because otherwise I might just break down andt sob at the impossibility of the task that lays before me. Would I rather send him to a christian school? Absolutly!! No doubt about it but finances don't allow for that right now.. Would I rather send him to public school? Absolutly not!! Why, alot of christian kids go and they are fine? Well, thanks for asking.. I totally agree with you many christian families send there children to public school and the kids are fine with no problems. But God had been laying on my heart for a while now that Logan should not go to one. Where we live I just don't believe it would be a good atmosphere for my six year olds eyes and ears to be around. Where we live there are many 12 yr old girls who are pregnant! That is 6th grade!!!! That is crazy and insane. There are many gangs that run the schools, there are drugs even in the elementary school. As a mother who believes that I will one day have to answer to God for the way my children were raised I just did not feel that on that day I could stand before my saviour and say "I did my best" if i had sent him somewhere where that would be "normal" behaviour. It's my job to guard his heart and how can I when on a daily basis he would be exposed to ungodly behaviour? So for that reason I didn't break down last night, for that reason I will try my best to prepare for homeschool, for that reason I will give up many things to keep my son home and guard his heart...

Courage!!!

A new website started today especially for women! It's beautiful and i am so happy someone started something like this. They put out a challenge for us to write about what courage means to us so I will. Please check them out for yourselves it's called http://www.incourage.me/


Courage first came to me when I was 6 yrs old and I flew into a little Indian village with many brown faces staring at me and everyone was speaking in a different language I had never heard before. I was expected to come out and speak to be people and be polite to them. Courage then came to me and said "You can do it I am here with you.."

It came to me again when I was eleven and I was flown to a boarding school and had my first day of school and didn't know anyone. I wanted to crawl under the covers and hide in my dorm room but instead courage came again and said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Then again after I married the man of my dreams and was getting ready to have our first child. I was 20 and scared out of my mind that I had to raise this person for God! Me i can't do that! Courage came again and said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Then again when my parents helped us move to Bible college when I was 21 and left us and didn't know anyone. Had no money, no way of getting any courage came again and said "YOu can do it I am here with you..."

Then again when we were leaving Bible college and the future was unknown to us. Courage said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Courage to me is this still small voice that speaks to me and gets me through. In those moments when I am scared out of my mind and simply want to hide courage comes to me and eases my heart and soul and says "You can do it I am here with you..."

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well I know it's been forever since I wrote on here!!! But finally decided I wanted to join in on the fun going on in blog world witht the "Not me MOndays!!" started my MckMama! So here it goes my first ever Not me Monday!!!

When at the church on saturday night playing games with the married couples group I certainly did not take Jesse's clothes off and allow him to run around the church in only his diaper! Because he spilled juice all over himself. Not in church!! That would be totally inappropiate and so Not Me!!!!

I did not let the kids eat cake for breakfast. That is completly non nutritous and would never do that because I had forgotten to get milk yesterday I am always organized and on top of things I would never let that happen! Nope Not me!!

I never tell my kids in the heat of anger the age old "Because I said so and I'm your mother!" I would never do that I am much more articulate than that nope not me!!!!!

And last but not least! I have certainly not been closing the door to my bedroom because I haven't cleaned it yet and simply don't want to see it. Nope not me!!!

Enjoy your monday!!!!

The Most wonderful Time of the Year.....

Walking in a WInter wonderland!!!!! Ok so it's not really snowing outside my window and I don't have snow on the ground here but I just love this time of year! Getting my decorations out, listening to christmas music and watching christmas movies EVERY NIGHT! Yes I do really do that. Much to my delight ABC Family channel and the Hallmark channel are showing christmas movies every night!!! I am in heaven. This is the best time of year. I think i'm going to go wednesday night or thursday morning and get the christmas tree!!! Man I just can't wait to do that. It brings a great thrill to my hear to see my husband and dad fighting the tree (usually getting mad in the process) It just wouldn't be christmas without that. :) Time to get the stockings out, the fake winter village, the christmas light, bake the sugar cookies, drink the hot chocolate.
This is a time of year filled with joy, with hope, with giving, with family and friends. I hope you all out there in cyberspace have a great holiday season and truly enjoy each day for what it is!

Christmas is literally just around the corner. In fact I have been watching Christmas movies all day and I even starting going through decorations and finding my stockings (thanks Esther!) I love this time of year. It is truly my FAVORITE time of year. I love the music, the movies, the cookies and cakes, the parties, the presents, the sweaters and boots, but most of all I just love the feeling of christmas. It has such a feeling of hope intertwined into it. THe feeling like you know something amazing is about to happen. The feeling that even though times are hard it's ok because it's CHRISTMAS!!! I wonder at times that even though the world so long ago had no idea that Christ was about to be born if they had that same feeling? THe feeling that something truly amazing is about to happen? Do you think it's possible, did the world feel that the savior was on His way?

This christmas is going to be a little different for us. Ramon and I have decided that we are not buying toys for our kids this year. We will buy them other things but not toys. WHy? Because I get so tired of them wanting and wanting something and then as soon as they have it they are done with it and want the next best thing. We have been talking to them and explaining to them what Christmas is truly about and why we really celbrate. And see this is actually hard for me. I want them to have the toys they so desperatly want. I want to buy them the next best thing and yet deep inside I know that it's best for them if I don't give in. I don't want kids that grow up EXPECTING to always get what they want. I want my kids to realize that there are other things in life than getting what you want. So we will have a wonderful christmas with eachother and have a wonderful holiday season but it will be toy free....

THe 3 of them!

Jesse

Talk about a little boy that keeps you on your feet! This little man is always on the move. The fact that Holly was able to get any pictures of him at all is amazing to me! And she actually got some great ones!

Jhocy

The look on Jhocy's face in the first one is priceless to me. Gosh she is gorgeous. I prayed and prayed for a little girl she brings so much joy into my life.

Logan

I absolutly love these pictures of Logan from that day. Even though the one in the middle is far away it's my favorite. It just feels so rustic like Logan has become. I am so in love with this little boy!

My 3 Favorite Shots of our Photo Shoot!

Have we already forgotten???

Last night my husband and I were flipping through channels and we came across the history channel and they were doing a show about 9/11. And my oh my I was so overcome with so many different emotions. I remember that day, where I was when I found out, the anger and the fear that swept through me, the way that the entire nation flew flags from every place possible for months after. I remember feeling completly terrified and not truly safe. That day the world changed for me. That day I saw human nature at it's worst. I saw satan in all his glory and cheering for what the world had become. And I also saw my Heavenly Father hugging and taking care of all of us in that time.
I don't want people to forget. We shouldn't forget how we felt, we should not forget the firemen who were some of the bravest people who I have ever seen. We should not forget the day that changed America forever!
So here is to our soldiers who are over there defending us, who are over there living bravery every single day so that me and my kids don't have to live in terror! So that my kids already have a safer America than what we had that day!
THis is to us never forgetting!!!

My husbands blog!

Well Ramon finally did it! He finally decided to open his own blog! Maybe now through his writings we will be able to figure out what goes in in his mind! So go on over and check it out. It is www.elgagoylospanas.blogspot.com Enjoy!

Big Day in the Acosta Household!!!

Today I woke up much earlier than I usually do. At 6:30! I wanted to make sure I made a favorite household breakfast and have everything nice and ready to avoid as much stress as much as possible. All for a very special boy in my life. Today was Logan's first day of kindergarten!!!! I can't believe it. 5 yrs have gone by so fast. As he got dressed in his uniform I was full of pride for this independent little boy. He is such a joy in our lives and he brings so much laughter to our house. And then as I was holding his hand in mine as I walked him in to his classroom and I looked down at his face and could see his eyes all puffy and red and trying his hardest not to cry and his hand held on a little tighter to mine I was full of love, sympathy, fear, protectiveness. I wanted so badly to hold him in my arms and take him back home with me. But I didn't, I squeezed his hand and told him he was going to be awesome and I would see him soon. And then as I walked out the door and turned around for one more look and saw him truly struggling I to was brought to tears for my little man! (Now for those of you who know Logan you know this is not a normal way for him to act and this is why it affected me so deeply) But he stayed and I left and he did GREAT! He even got a little award. He did tell me that he didn't really talk to anyone as he was to shy. But he is excited for his next day of school and is already practicing his Bible verse to say on friday. Way to go Logan!

Sadness Once Again....

Today at around 4:00 Ramon's cousin died. We had been expecting this for awhile now. He actually lived longer than the doctor's expected him to. His name was Oscar and he been doing drugs for many many years. Him and his mother had lived with Ramon and his family for a very long time. So he was someone that Ramon was close to. As far as we know he was not saved. He had heard the Bible many times. We will always hold out hope that maybe someway somehow Christ got ahold of his heart in the last days. Even though we don't see how that could have been possible God does work in His own ways. So please please pray once again for the other part of our lives and our hearts. Because even though we haven't been with our family in venezuela for a very long time they are part of who we are. We have heard that Ramon's Aunt Glady's is not taking this well and is having a very difficult time. Glady's is also a Jehovah's witness so please pray that this will someway show her the true way to heaven.

The above picture is of Ramon's Aunt Glady's the day of our wedding. She is a woman who cares deeply for her family. Please, please pray for her as she is burying her son tomorrow. ANd pray most importantly for her soul.

New Favorite Picture

Picture of the day

THis is my new favorite picture. Logan's face just cracks me up. And Jesse just looks like he is having so much fun. And Jhocy is right in the middle her favorite place to be.

Haircuts

All of the kids needed haircuts. SO any of you who know Ramon and I well enough should be able to figure out what we did. Any takers???? Yep you guessed it........
We did it ourselves!!! I have to admit I think they turned out super cute. Jesse looks the most different. As you can tell if you look at the post below this one. Anyways enjoy!