Monday, August 24, 2009

Guarding My Son's Heart

Homeschool time is fast approaching!!! Everyday that passes i feel more and more panick rising up in me! I wasn't good in school, I'm not a teacher, I'm not an organized person!!! How can I DO THIS!!!!! None of my close friends here are going to homeschool, i won't have anyone to lean back on for support.... You see where my thoughts are going? They are becoming more and more chaotic and are starting to freak me out!! Last night when Ramon and I were chatting about nothing in particular I almost blurted out "Lets just send him to public school!!!!" I was so close to saying it, so close to meaning it..... But I didn't...... WHY???? I DON'T KNOW!!!! This whole idea is so scary and I'm not sure i'm up to the task.. But I do have someone on my side who is and His name is God!!! I have to rely on Him. He's the one who put this idea in my head, He's the One who assured me I would be ok and that we could do this together. I have to believe that because otherwise I might just break down andt sob at the impossibility of the task that lays before me. Would I rather send him to a christian school? Absolutly!! No doubt about it but finances don't allow for that right now.. Would I rather send him to public school? Absolutly not!! Why, alot of christian kids go and they are fine? Well, thanks for asking.. I totally agree with you many christian families send there children to public school and the kids are fine with no problems. But God had been laying on my heart for a while now that Logan should not go to one. Where we live I just don't believe it would be a good atmosphere for my six year olds eyes and ears to be around. Where we live there are many 12 yr old girls who are pregnant! That is 6th grade!!!! That is crazy and insane. There are many gangs that run the schools, there are drugs even in the elementary school. As a mother who believes that I will one day have to answer to God for the way my children were raised I just did not feel that on that day I could stand before my saviour and say "I did my best" if i had sent him somewhere where that would be "normal" behaviour. It's my job to guard his heart and how can I when on a daily basis he would be exposed to ungodly behaviour? So for that reason I didn't break down last night, for that reason I will try my best to prepare for homeschool, for that reason I will give up many things to keep my son home and guard his heart...

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