Thursday, October 8, 2009

Life's a Dance

For the last month I have been looking at my life and realizing how different it is than I ever thought it would be. I'm a 26 yr old woman married and with 3 kids. That part of life has gone "as planned" The moment I meant Ramon I knew we were destined for each other. I knew we would marry young and I knew we would have kids early. We even went to BIble school "as planned" He graduated on time "as planned" But none the less life is very very different than I ever thought possible. By this time I had hope to be on the mission field somewhere I really wanted to be in venezuela but that will not happen not now and not ever (unless life there changes drastically) But here we are coming up on 2 yrs out of Bible school and no where even close to being on the mission field. Ramon actually works as a Securtity Tech! What!? How did that happen? I also never thought I would homeschool my kids and yet here I am!
There are some days where I actually have to laugh at my self. I mean I will catch myself thinking things like "Is Logan understanding this english" "Is he getting this" "Am I teaching this right" Those kind of thoughts are not me! I always thought that I would be able to send him to school someone else would do the teaching and if there was a problem the teacher would let me know. Now I have to be the one making sure he gets his lessons done, I have to be the one to focus enough to see if he needs extra help. Then I start thinking is Jhocy going to be ready for kindergarten? Will I be able to teach her how to read?
There are days where I don't even reconize myself. This is not me people! I'm a laid back, carefree, take life as it comes type of person. Now I have turned into a write everything on a calender if its not there its not official, making everything into a routine, actually considering quitting doing a couple of things, simply for the sake of making homeschooling going simpler kind of person!
I have a brand new respect for people who have done this for years with multiple kids and make it look easy. They always told me it's not easy, its difficult you have to be commited to it. I'm here to say people it's difficult! Rarely do I have a chance to sit down, rarely do I have a moment to myself, there is constant bickering that I have to break up, constant laundry to do. It's hard work.
But you know what as odd as this is for me to say I enjoy the person this is forcing me to become. It's making me much more aware of my childrens needs, it's making me realize I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, it's making me be a much better wife to my husband and focus on him and stop being so selfish. My house is staying cleaner than ever because I'm focused and determined! I like this new me. I'm convinced it's because I listened to Gods calling and did as he asked of me. My life is a dance and God's leading!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

One of THose Days

Today I woke up groggy but with big plans in mind. Ever do that? Wake up with an open mind, today is going to be great, the kids are going to be wonderful, i'm going to get lots done and so on and so on.... well none of those things have happened. Its been one thing after another. At least I got Logan's school work done with him and the letter mailed off to the county I needed to send. Oh well it's just one of those days!!!

Brown Paper Packages: Twirly-Whirly Dress Showcase and GIVEAWAY!!!

Brown Paper Packages: Twirly-Whirly Dress Showcase and GIVEAWAY!!!

This dress is so adorable. Jhocelyn would be to cute in it!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Grosgrain: Lisa Leonard Designs GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

hmm trying this again

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

Lisa Leonard Designs Jewelry GUEST GIVEAWAY!!!!

I love Lisa Leonard's Designs! I desperatly want one of her necklaces. They are beautiful and elegant and simple just breathtaking. But If i win I will actually give my card to me precious friend Stephanie as I have been trying to figure out a way to buy her the necklace she wants. So here's to hoping I win because Stephanie just got into MOI in her Haiti adoption process and what a better way to celebrate!

Friday, September 18, 2009

"Good Friends are Cheaper than Therapy"

Today as I was cleaning I did something I rarely do I stopped and looked a picture that means the world to me. It is a picture of me and my 3 closest friends.... I have it sitting in my living room and see it everyday but rarely do i take the time to sit and stare at. Today as I was dusting around it I looked at the faces in it and such a sense of longing came over me. I had to pick it up and sit on the couch and just look at it until the kids interrupted me. I miss those 3 women..... Esther, Angie, Stephanie..... I talk to all of them whenever I can but I long to sit face to face with them and tell them about my life the past 2 yrs and to hear about theirs. Growing up in the remotest part of venezuela that there is I did not have many friends growing up. I had friends here and there but no one I could ever consider a best friend. Then I got to know Eshter. Our husbands lived next door to eachother there whole life we had to become friends. She means the world to me. She is someone who knows all about me and still likes me. She is always there for me. She loves my kids. I miss her and mundo more thant words can explain. Then I met Angie when we were in Bible school. She lived next door to me. We became game partners and alwasy beat the crap out of our husbands playing. We went to their house every friday night and stayed till after midnight. I miss them. THen I met Stephanie she lived across from me. And she changed the way I would forever look at missionary kids. She had been one to and she loved it. She taught me many things, she was the person who understood when i would show up on her door step and tell her i needed to cry but didn't know why. Through these 3 women my life was changed they each showed me strength, love, compassion, true friendship, I miss them all and I hope that I get to see them again this side of heaven but I'm so blessed knowing that one day I will share eternity with them!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Hope vs Longings

As I was sitting here thinking about the things I "hope" for the thought struck me that I actually have hope and longing confused. You see there are many things that I long for. I long for that new pair of Nike tennis shoes I saw the other day, I long to have more money, I long for a bigger house, I long for more clothes. Do you get where I'm going with that? As a little girl I longed to be older so that I could do more things. But while I was pondering these things i realized that hope comes from somewhere deep inside of us. It comes from that place that is rarely looked at because the things that we truly hope for have the possibility of bringing with it a deep sadness if it hasn't been fulfilled. Because the things that we truly hope for are things that have the possibility of taking our breath away once they have been fulfilled. The things that I hope for is getting on the mission field. Even the thought of that brings tears to the surface because I hope for it so badly! I hope that my children will grow up to be Godly people who serve him with their entire being. The idea of that not coming about brings terror into my soul. Hope is something that God puts in us and it is something that keeps us going on this earth.

Inspired by

Monday, August 24, 2009

Not MY child!!

The other day when I decided to brave shopping with my sister and ALL 3 KIDS. For some unknown reason. I mean I know not to try clothes shopping with all of them. I mean that is just insanity right! Well my daughter certainly did not have a meltdown on the way out of the store. And definantly not one of those kinds that involves serious screaming and red in the face from her. And i definantly did not receive stares from strangers that i just stared right back at. I have much better behaved children than that and that would never happen on my watch!

And yesterday while talking about my oldest son's dentist appointment with my mother my son certainly did not say "Grandpa needs to go to the dentist to." And I was certainly not there going "logan shh, logan bequiet" To definantly not have him add on "Grandpa's teeth are yellow!"

And last of all just a few minutes after the illfated not had conversation of people's teeth my youngest son certainly did not come to me and say "mommy i need to go potty." "ok jesse lets go inside" "no mommy, i wana pee in the grass!!!" Definantly not my child I have never let them do that, we always use the toilet inside!!!

Please go to to check out all of the Not My child post!

Guarding My Son's Heart

Homeschool time is fast approaching!!! Everyday that passes i feel more and more panick rising up in me! I wasn't good in school, I'm not a teacher, I'm not an organized person!!! How can I DO THIS!!!!! None of my close friends here are going to homeschool, i won't have anyone to lean back on for support.... You see where my thoughts are going? They are becoming more and more chaotic and are starting to freak me out!! Last night when Ramon and I were chatting about nothing in particular I almost blurted out "Lets just send him to public school!!!!" I was so close to saying it, so close to meaning it..... But I didn't...... WHY???? I DON'T KNOW!!!! This whole idea is so scary and I'm not sure i'm up to the task.. But I do have someone on my side who is and His name is God!!! I have to rely on Him. He's the one who put this idea in my head, He's the One who assured me I would be ok and that we could do this together. I have to believe that because otherwise I might just break down andt sob at the impossibility of the task that lays before me. Would I rather send him to a christian school? Absolutly!! No doubt about it but finances don't allow for that right now.. Would I rather send him to public school? Absolutly not!! Why, alot of christian kids go and they are fine? Well, thanks for asking.. I totally agree with you many christian families send there children to public school and the kids are fine with no problems. But God had been laying on my heart for a while now that Logan should not go to one. Where we live I just don't believe it would be a good atmosphere for my six year olds eyes and ears to be around. Where we live there are many 12 yr old girls who are pregnant! That is 6th grade!!!! That is crazy and insane. There are many gangs that run the schools, there are drugs even in the elementary school. As a mother who believes that I will one day have to answer to God for the way my children were raised I just did not feel that on that day I could stand before my saviour and say "I did my best" if i had sent him somewhere where that would be "normal" behaviour. It's my job to guard his heart and how can I when on a daily basis he would be exposed to ungodly behaviour? So for that reason I didn't break down last night, for that reason I will try my best to prepare for homeschool, for that reason I will give up many things to keep my son home and guard his heart...

Monday, August 10, 2009


A new website started today especially for women! It's beautiful and i am so happy someone started something like this. They put out a challenge for us to write about what courage means to us so I will. Please check them out for yourselves it's called

Courage first came to me when I was 6 yrs old and I flew into a little Indian village with many brown faces staring at me and everyone was speaking in a different language I had never heard before. I was expected to come out and speak to be people and be polite to them. Courage then came to me and said "You can do it I am here with you.."

It came to me again when I was eleven and I was flown to a boarding school and had my first day of school and didn't know anyone. I wanted to crawl under the covers and hide in my dorm room but instead courage came again and said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Then again after I married the man of my dreams and was getting ready to have our first child. I was 20 and scared out of my mind that I had to raise this person for God! Me i can't do that! Courage came again and said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Then again when my parents helped us move to Bible college when I was 21 and left us and didn't know anyone. Had no money, no way of getting any courage came again and said "YOu can do it I am here with you..."

Then again when we were leaving Bible college and the future was unknown to us. Courage said "You can do it I am here with you..."

Courage to me is this still small voice that speaks to me and gets me through. In those moments when I am scared out of my mind and simply want to hide courage comes to me and eases my heart and soul and says "You can do it I am here with you..."

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well I know it's been forever since I wrote on here!!! But finally decided I wanted to join in on the fun going on in blog world witht the "Not me MOndays!!" started my MckMama! So here it goes my first ever Not me Monday!!!

When at the church on saturday night playing games with the married couples group I certainly did not take Jesse's clothes off and allow him to run around the church in only his diaper! Because he spilled juice all over himself. Not in church!! That would be totally inappropiate and so Not Me!!!!

I did not let the kids eat cake for breakfast. That is completly non nutritous and would never do that because I had forgotten to get milk yesterday I am always organized and on top of things I would never let that happen! Nope Not me!!

I never tell my kids in the heat of anger the age old "Because I said so and I'm your mother!" I would never do that I am much more articulate than that nope not me!!!!!

And last but not least! I have certainly not been closing the door to my bedroom because I haven't cleaned it yet and simply don't want to see it. Nope not me!!!

Enjoy your monday!!!!