"To Live Like You Were Dieing"

There is a radio show that I love listening to in the evening time. It plays mostly love songs. Tonight it played a country song titled "To Live like you were dieing" I was sitting in the car on the way home from church listening to it. The story of the song is about a man who has found out he has cancer and someone ask him what he did when he found out. He said he went sky diving, rocket mountain climbing, he went on to list several things that were crazy and wild. Then at the end he says "I hope one day you can live like you were dieing." Well this got me to thinking about what would be my list as a christian if I knew for a fact that I have a number of days to live?
There are plenty of things that I would love to do. But are virtually unimportant. I started going over those in my mind, I would love to go see the rolling hills of Scotland, visit Ireland, swim with Dolphins, and then I thought is that really how I would spend my last days before I met the King of Kings face to face??? I sure hope not!!!!!! I would want to go around and tell everyone about Him! To make sure I had nothing with anyone that I had not asked forgiveness. To make sure that everyone I loved knew I loved them. To make sure that I spent my last days for HIM! But oh my goodness what is stopping me from doing all those things now? I don't know when I will take my last breath. I don't know when I say goodbye to people if I will see them again or not. The Bible tells me that anyone I pass and do not tell about Him their blood is on my hands. WHy do I not live today, this moment as if it is my very last one.
I have been thinking alot lately to live purposfully. WHich means every action, every word, every breath is thought out on how it will glorify HIM! My very life is HIS. So why do I continue to live as if it's mine? I will start eating for Him, I will start talking for HIM, I will start living as if i'm dieing because after all I am.....

Suffering

It seems this has been a topic in my life lately. We talked about it last Friday at the Friday morning Bible study I attend. My husband preached on it to the youth last night at youth group. I feel as though i'm suffering right now. I realize that I'm not really suffering just going through some discomfort but I would really love to throw myself a pity party about it right now. My hip is hurting me so bad right along with my back. But oh well soooo not the point of this post. Anyways..... Our conversation at Bible study was about our reaction to suffering.... Do we call on the Lord more in the midst of our suffering? Is that the only reason at all we call on Him? Do we only ask for help or do we praise Him for it? Do we whine and complain about it while we are going through it, or do we "man up" and just focus on getting through it?
I try very hard to have a "praying without ceasing" relationship with Christ. I talk to him almost all the time. I'm constantly talking to Him in my head. I love that we can do that with Christ talk to Him about the random things that no one else really cares about. But I do have to admit my prayers get much deeper when i'm going through a crisis. I want to change that I want to have deep prayers with Him constantly.
Praising Him in the midst of the storm is something I am learning to do. It is coming with each trial I go through. I think the reason is, I have seen Him so much in my life use the trials for His greater good. Seen Him grow me, seen Him grow others, seen huge blessings come through the little bit of suffering I have gone through. I use the word suffering here very loosely. I really don't consider the trials I have gone through in this life as suffering. There are many, many people that have experienced suffering in the worst of its form. For those people I pray and will continue to pray that they will have strength and even in the midst of it they will see God working and loving them.
I just want to take every oportunity that He gives me in this life to grow closer to Him. I guess what I'm trying to say is that suffering is a necessary part of this life. I believe it makes us long for heaven all the more. Makes us long for His glory. O how I long for the day when all the suffering will be no more, when all the tears will be wiped away. O MY! Think about that! His hand wiping away your tears! It takes my breath away....

Random Thoughts.....

I have had so much on my mind lately. So much is going on in my life and yet I feel like I lead such a boring one. School has begun yet again for us, so that means my days should be full and active and yet Sunday I hurt my hip and back and have only been able to lay on the sofa doing nothing! Ugh dont' like this at all.
But the real things that I have been pondering, contemplating is my life and walk with Christ. I need HIM, I crave HIM!!! The older I get the more I realize that. The thought that is constantly nagging me is "I want my kids to need HIM to crave HIM!" I want it to be their hearts desire. So i'm constantly tortured with "Am I doing this parenting thing correctly? Am I doing it the way He planned for me to?" I so desperatly want to please Him, to make HIM proud of me that I'm constanly thinking about it. The good thing is about that is that it has made me so much more aware of my actions, my thoughts, my words. Sorry I know this is taking a very random way about it. I will post more tomorrow....

New Chapter In our lives...

Ever since we left texas my heart has longed, and cried out to be doing something in the ministry. I have missed our church we left behind in texas terribly. To be honest one of the hardest things for me to ever do was say goodbye to that church and the people in it! I fell hard for that place. I love Pastor Garcia and his family they taught us so much. I don't leave parts of my life easily. I don't enjoy change. It takes me a long time to get used to changes. But everytime we would consider leaving virginia and move on to something else God would close those doors. ANd He would close them HARD! It soon became obvious to us that He didn't want us moving that we needed to be content where He had us and serve in areas that we could. So we did. I started working with MOPS and Ramon and i started teaching a wednesday night childs class. And have just been part of the church. THen things started getting to a point where we were unhappy and yet God still did not give us the ok to move on. So we waited and prayed and got nothing. And then we were called to a meeting with the pastor of our church. He wanted to ask Ramon and I if we would be willing to take over the Youth Pastors position! We were thrilled and excited. THis is our very hearts desire to work with youth. We have such a passion in us to see the youth of today strive for Christ. To see them long for Him! O thank you Jesus!

Lord, help us! Be with us in this journey. Help us to glorify you, to never loose sight of the cross. To be willing and able to make the sacrifices we need to. Thank you Father!

Parenting is just plain hard...

This week has been a tough week for me emotionally and physically. I have just not been feeling myself lately and because of some severe pain I was having in my back I was not able to do anything except lay around on the sofa most of the weekend. Which allowed me lots and lots of time for some deep thinking. It gave me time to think about my kids and the way I parent them. Most days I feel as though I fail miserably. My goal as a parent is to raise children that are God fearing and Christ serving. I want them to grow up to know who they are in Christ, to know that they are loved and to grow up serving and loving their heavenly father. And yet some days the impossibility of that seems so much stronger than anything else. Now, now I realize it is possible and I realize we can do it but some days like the weekend it just hit me hard. Around every corner the enemy is lurching to rob our children of their love of Christ. Whether is be something on a tv show, or language from a neighbor or even something major like a Wicca witch living a couple of houses down he's there, searching and hunting for our children. MY CHILDREN, GOD'S CHILDREN! AND TO BE HONEST IT MAKES ME MAD! The innocence of our kids is taken so early anymore. Pole our youth groups and see how many of them have never done something sexual. Go ahead I dare you, I bet it would be a sad few who have not. I'm scared for our kids, for my kids. I need to be on my knees more for them, seeking Christ on their behalf! Please don't misunderstand me I do realize there are parents out there who have done an amazing job and have raised pure, God fearing kids. I wish I could have them come sit in my living room and tell me how to do it, what I'm doing wrong, what i'm doing right, and help me through this journey of parenting. I pray i'm doing whats right for them, that I'm raising them correctly for HIS kingdom. I will keep going before HIS thrown with their names, I will do it more and more everyday, I will seek His word on how I do it. I will beat the kingdom doors down with my prayers for my kids that I will be strict, that I will not succumb to the worlds vision of what a good parent is but what Christ thinks. I love you Logan, Jhocelyn and Jesse I'm doing my best on your behalf. God help me on the journey of parenting even when it's just plain hard...

Two Years

I have started noticing something about me recently. Two years, that is what it takes for me to start feeling at home somewhere, to feel comfortable, to feel like I belong. It was 2 years in december since we moved here to virginia from texas. I have just recently started feeling as if this is home. To start making friends. It took me 2 years in texas to actually start feeling like I liked it there. It's very difficult for me to move, to leave my life, to leave my friends. WHen I love something, anyone, I do it with everything in me. So when I leave them, those things in my life that bring me comfort I feel like I am abondoning them. It leaves a whole in my heart. Leaving texas was harder than I ever imagined it would be. I fell hard for the state of texas and the people in it. It's an amazing state with even more amazing people. It was hard for me to move past that. But thank God, I can finally say I'm happy now in virginia! I have great friends here, great ministries I'm involved in. Virginia is my home now. If we ever move again, I know now that it will be 2 yrs of a long hard process. A time of healing for me but I also know now there is light on the other side. Thank God, for the heart HE gave me of loyalty and great love but also Thank God that he brings other people into this life not to replace those friendships but only to add to the joy of life!

One Red Tulip among a field of Green

Sunday morning on our way home was one of those moments where I wished I could have stopped traffic right there in the middle of the bridge and taken a breathtaking photo of the field below. Now since I can't really stop traffic nor am I one of those people that can take a "wow" photo there is no picture to accompany this post. Sorry just trust me it was amazing!
We were driving along and I looked down and there in a field of nothing but green grass was one lone bright red tulip! It was stunning, breathtaking! And the thought almost immediately struck me "A light in the world" The tulip was impossible to miss. It was a splash of color. It was amazing. It was perfect right where it was. Which then started my mind thinking upon other things. Is this what God means when He tells us to be a light, to be different? We are supposed to mix in with the world and yet be different, stand out. Is this how God see's us when He looks down on the world?
Then I thought. I want to be like that tulip! I want to be breathtaking to God! I want when people look at me that they see the light of Christ shining through. I don't want people to see the natural me, the part of me that desires to blend, the part of me that is content just being green. I want the world, God, to see the part that is like that tulip. The part that has been transformed and made beautiful through Christ!
Lord, help me to be a tulip among a field of green!!!