Thursday, October 8, 2009

Life's a Dance

For the last month I have been looking at my life and realizing how different it is than I ever thought it would be. I'm a 26 yr old woman married and with 3 kids. That part of life has gone "as planned" The moment I meant Ramon I knew we were destined for each other. I knew we would marry young and I knew we would have kids early. We even went to BIble school "as planned" He graduated on time "as planned" But none the less life is very very different than I ever thought possible. By this time I had hope to be on the mission field somewhere I really wanted to be in venezuela but that will not happen not now and not ever (unless life there changes drastically) But here we are coming up on 2 yrs out of Bible school and no where even close to being on the mission field. Ramon actually works as a Securtity Tech! What!? How did that happen? I also never thought I would homeschool my kids and yet here I am!
There are some days where I actually have to laugh at my self. I mean I will catch myself thinking things like "Is Logan understanding this english" "Is he getting this" "Am I teaching this right" Those kind of thoughts are not me! I always thought that I would be able to send him to school someone else would do the teaching and if there was a problem the teacher would let me know. Now I have to be the one making sure he gets his lessons done, I have to be the one to focus enough to see if he needs extra help. Then I start thinking is Jhocy going to be ready for kindergarten? Will I be able to teach her how to read?
There are days where I don't even reconize myself. This is not me people! I'm a laid back, carefree, take life as it comes type of person. Now I have turned into a write everything on a calender if its not there its not official, making everything into a routine, actually considering quitting doing a couple of things, simply for the sake of making homeschooling going simpler kind of person!
I have a brand new respect for people who have done this for years with multiple kids and make it look easy. They always told me it's not easy, its difficult you have to be commited to it. I'm here to say people it's difficult! Rarely do I have a chance to sit down, rarely do I have a moment to myself, there is constant bickering that I have to break up, constant laundry to do. It's hard work.
But you know what as odd as this is for me to say I enjoy the person this is forcing me to become. It's making me much more aware of my childrens needs, it's making me realize I'm stronger than I ever thought possible, it's making me be a much better wife to my husband and focus on him and stop being so selfish. My house is staying cleaner than ever because I'm focused and determined! I like this new me. I'm convinced it's because I listened to Gods calling and did as he asked of me. My life is a dance and God's leading!